Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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