grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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