Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We left an ass print on the piano.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I forget how to act sober
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
