Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
