Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
a search helicopter?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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