"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
