Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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