Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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