After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
