Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize