I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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