I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
