just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
