Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
