I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
