I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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