I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
