he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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