erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize