Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
