awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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