u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
