I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
