its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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