i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
