I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize