Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
