I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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