Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
