He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
