I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
