You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
