she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
