hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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