my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
