my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
