He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
