the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
