I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
