no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
