so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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