she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
