I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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