nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
