Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
