when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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