woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
