I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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