the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
