There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
