I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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