oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do herpes really smell.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
