I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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