I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
