i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
