Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
