there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
