So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
