You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
