1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
