She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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