Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
