Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
