Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
