Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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