I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
