wrigley field is MILF paradise
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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