I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
