Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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