Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize