there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
