69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How's work?
Spinning.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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