good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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