I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
