Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
