i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize