If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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