Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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