So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
