He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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