We named our party play list daddy issues
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why do cheetos always look like penises
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
