i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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