It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He shit in the fireplace
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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