just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
