It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
