hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
