there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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