Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
